Counterattack amidst hysteria -
"Conversion Therapy" survivors' online sharing session.
Introduction: "Conversion therapy" is a flawed assumption that sexual minorities require treatment in order to transform them into heterosexuals through psychological or psychiatric means. As of 2019, there were still over 96 institutions in China offering "conversion therapy". The World Health Organization removed content related to "homosexuality" and "transgenderism" from the International Classification of Diseases, emphasizing that homosexuality and transgenderism are not mental illnesses and do not require treatment. In addition to the aforementioned institutions, some minors are also sent to institutions such as "problematic youth schools", "internet addiction treatment centers", and "re-education schools" for conversion therapy. This practice is illegal and ineffective, and can cause irreversible harm to the physical and mental health of minors.
This event features three survivors of "conversion therapy" sharing their experiences at such institutions, providing deeper insight into the current state of "conversion therapy" in society. The event is hosted by Qingque, and the three survivors who will be sharing their experiences are Xiaodi, Kaoyu, and Tairan. The following content is based on the oral accounts of the speakers.
What did they experience at the "conversion therapy" institutions?
“If you go against some of the mainstream values that are currently being promoted, you may face the risk of being sent to undergo conversion therapy.”
——Qingque, the host.
On her seventeenth birthday, Xiaodi was tricked by her family into returning home under the guise of a birthday celebration, and was forcibly sent to the Chongqing Military Service Qualification Department. Xiaodi began her "conversion therapy" there. During this time, Xiaodi seized an opportunity to escape from the mountainous terrain, but was starving and eventually taken to the police by a kind-hearted person. After being brought back home by her family, she was sent back to the school where she faced even more intense persecution from her instructors. After enduring 300 days of this treatment, Xiaodi was finally taken back home by her family and left the military department.
Cold, hunger, illness, physical punishment.........
Xiaodi：There were only retired soldiers inside, with a total of ten instructors and five teachers overseeing sixty people. They used militarized training...many physical challenges that were too much for many minors to bear, using exhaustion and fatigue to train your willpower and make you experience the pain of bleeding. They would physically punish you for making mistakes, but the important thing was that they wouldn't let you die. They would make you wish you were dead, and even leave you disabled, but they wouldn't let you die.
They wouldn't give you enough food or water to drink, leaving you to make do with plain noodles. The food was even worse than that given to pigs; my family would feed our pigs with oil and salt, but we didn't even have those basic ingredients.
You didn't know what time it was or even what year it was. It was as if everything was isolated, and you couldn't feel anything, not knowing what crisis might happen the next second. The instructors would hit you with a stick and even jump onto your bed. It was a very terrifying time. But I managed to endure for 300 days, why? Because I wanted to give myself hope to live on.
I didn't have warm clothes to wear at school, I only had one pair of shoes. Then, my socks wouldn't dry, and I got a bad case of athlete's foot. There was a very wealthy person in our class, and sometimes I would beg him to give me a sweater, saying that I would wash his socks for a week. It was so cold. Eventually, I got a sweater that I really liked, but I still didn't have warm socks. So, I begged him to give me a pair of thick socks and promised to give him my meat allocation from my daily meals for a week. I used my strength and food to exchange for what I needed. There was another time when I got sick and had a bad cough. I was washing his clothes for a week, and it was very cold. But I still begged him to get me some medicine. Nobody else would help me, and I was constantly being deceived. He was very wealthy, but also very generous. In the end, he gave me three sweaters and many other things. We also became friends because we were both honest with each other. I worked for him, and he provided me with food and warmth in exchange for items.
Kao Yu: At first, I went to a traditional Chinese medicine hospital, and they gave me expensive herbal injections, which were just a scam to make money. They used low-intensity electric shocks, which were different from the electric shock therapy used in some psychiatric hospitals. During the treatment, the doctors subjected me to verbal violence, threats, and even sexual harassment. They would evaluate my body and say insulting things. I have experienced all kinds of feudal and superstitious institutions and have taken various Chinese herbal medicines. They are probably similar across the country.
Tai Ran: I went through conversion therapy and was given medication, which was also traditional Chinese medicine, but I don't know the specific name of the medicine. For me, the medicine didn't cause much harm, which was fortunate. This is a commercial tactic.
"After undergoing 'conversion therapy', how did their relationships with their families change?"
烤鱼：我出柜前是对家Kao Yu: Before coming out, I had a relatively high level of trust in my family. However, after coming out and especially after undergoing 'conversion therapy', my level of distrust towards my family has reached a point where I need to be constantly vigilant around them. When ordering takeout, I may not even use my real name or phone number, just to prevent them from finding my location through the police. I also don't trust any of my relatives.
Xiao Di: My biggest feeling is being deceived. They have deceived me three times, each time leading me to a desperate situation where my confidence was completely depleted. I can no longer trust them. The deception was so deep that we have deeply hurt each other. Even now, I have not discussed any ideals or future plans with my parents, and we don't even talk about daily life. I am still alone. Even speaking now is deeply tormented by the damage I suffered at school, as the injuries at the time were too deep. I was tortured for three months when I tried to escape, and my relationship with my parents is very poor. Trust no longer exists between us.
Tai Ran: I have a clearer understanding of my family now. For example, I know that their previous behavior and methods were based on religious superstition. For a period of time, I really disliked or even despised them for it. But later, I realized it was simply due to their lack of knowledge or understanding in this area. What they need is more education on these topics. I think if they had more knowledge about gender, they wouldn't have engaged in those strange behaviors towards me. So, the experience of 'conversion therapy' has temporarily affected my relationship with my family.
I am in Shenzhen, so the culture here is relatively friendly and open-minded. In my village, there are actually people with unique gender expressions, so my parents probably know that such people exist. However, because they care about their reputation, they still hope that I won't be so 'strange' and live a 'normal' life.）
How can one seek assistance and self-help after undergoing "conversion therapy"?
Xiao Di: At that time, all I could do was run to the safest place. The only thing I could do was send text messages, about fifty or sixty a day, but no one came to rescue me because they were too far away. If only I had a working mobile phone with me.
Kao Yu: I was in a state of helplessness. In 2020, my family came from Shandong to Shanghai to kidnap me, and it was my friends in the community who helped me escape danger. When I graduated from high school in 2021, I was too afraid to rent a place of my own because it would reveal my address. It wasn't until July of this year when I went abroad that I was able to live a normal life. After coming out, including before I returned to normal life, it was all these friends in the community who helped me.
Tai Ran: First of all, I am really grateful for the technology of the internet, because it has given me so much energy. I might have gone towards a very tragic life, but with this information, I have become more open and know how to seek help. I think the most important thing is to make good use of search engines. The keywords you enter and the ideologies they represent can lead you towards a more open or a more primitive and barbaric civilization. This is crucial.
Furthermore, I am also very grateful for the creation of literature and art. Although they did not provide me with material help, they have given me a lot of spiritual support. For example, learning about the theories and knowledge of literature and art has helped me better understand how to calm my emotions, as well as some psychological knowledge and so on.
The third point is also quite important, which is about personal and practical experiences. I have met many people in the community who are related to these issues, as well as many supporters who work on these issues on the internet. In real life, I have also met friends who are like me and can confide in each other. We organize ourselves into a small group, where we can confide in and share our very private emotions with each other. So these three points have been helpful to me.
If you are seeking help in real life, there are two scenarios to consider: soft and hard. If it's a soft request for help, you can try to communicate and negotiate. However, if you encounter a hard request, it's best to run away as soon as possible. Make full use of the developed social media platforms nowadays. The most important thing is to have a community that you can stay in touch with in the long term. They will provide ongoing help. Be good at using social media, keep in touch with community partners, and finally, make a comprehensive plan.
How to avoid being subjected to "conversion therapy" institutions?
Kao Yu: Firstly, it is important to communicate with parents and seek help from professional psychologists, therapists, or community members. In situations where communication is impossible, it may be necessary to deceive parents as it is a particularly difficult situation in China. Even if you are financially independent and of legal age, parents can easily have a healthy person arrested and taken to a psychiatric hospital by reporting them to the authorities. If there is no other option, consider leaving the country.
To be honest, exposing these institutions in China may not be very effective based on my experience. If you want to expose them, you can seek help from journalists or community members.
Q&A
Question: What actions can we take? On one hand, we can combat those institutions that engage in conversion therapy. On the other hand, how can we help the victims of this practice and establish a system of self-help and mutual aid?
Kao Yu: Given the current environment in our country, I believe that there may not be many effective methods. Even though the government has stopped pathologizing homosexuality, unlike a decade or two ago when they openly provided treatments, they may still use more covert means, making it difficult to find evidence.
However, there are two main aspects to consider: first, it is crucial to ensure the safety of these individuals' environment, and second, to help them gradually reintegrate into normal life. Providing psychological and community support in the aftermath is also essential.
Tai Ran: Overall, the structural environment is unlikely to change, and we can only focus on how to live a relatively happy life within this environment and system. We can only consider this at the individual level because it is difficult to change things unless one becomes a politician. If you are still in such an environment, you can only think about how to live safely and happily.
Question: Do we have any legal remedies at our disposal to rid ourselves of this treatment?
Kao Yu: Regarding legal recourse, I can only speak from personal experience. Many of my adult friends have been forced into conversion therapy by their families, and in my experience, reporting it to the police is futile. Instead, the police tend to side with the parents and further control the individual. While going to court may be somewhat helpful, the chances of success with other forms of assistance are small. It is unlikely that social workers will have greater legal authority than parents or police. Therefore, in my opinion, it may be necessary to wait until safety is ensured before seeking legal remedies. However, even then, the usefulness of the court may be limited. These are the experiences I and my friends have gone through.
Kiｍ： Additional information: There are several ways to work towards change. One approach is to provide education to salespeople in the public security and judicial systems. They may still hold the belief that "parents always act in the best interest of their children" or "parents would never harm their children." Changing their beliefs and making them aware of the potential harm caused by their actions could help to bring them to our side. Another approach is to have mental health counselors infiltrate schools, as it may be difficult for outsiders to gain access. Through these counselors or journalists, they can gather evidence and expose the issue since they are teachers and can use their status to collect evidence. These are additional suggestions that could be considered to bring about change.
Host's concluding remarks.
Qing Que: Today, it is crucial that these three individuals were willing to come forward and share their stories, as it is a vital narrative in the fight against "conversion therapy." We will also think of more activists and how they are fighting against it. Thank you all for participating in this discussion and exchange, and I hope everyone has a pleasant evening. May your future be filled with prosperity and happiness.